Once upon a time, there lived a pig… but unlike pigs in the usual sense who wallowed in mud, ate garbage and smelled really bad, this pig was different… this pig had baths in golden bathtubs with perfumed water from four continents, ate the choicest of dishes prepared by the best chefs and he actually smelled quite pleasant… for he was no ordinary pig… he was a rich pig… a rich and successful pig…
How he came into so much money no one knows for sure… but many rumors did their time… some claimed that he inherited all the money from his rich uncle, how his uncle got the money was another topic altogether… while some of the more scandalous ones included him, a bank, a gang of monkeys and a singing fish… The humans of his country were appalled and outraged at the idea of livestock coming into so much land and money… and underwent legal proceedings to determine whether quadrupeds were allowed such amenities… However due to inappropriate usage of words in the book of law, the word “swine” in particular, to define a rich ‘bastard’, allowed the pig to retain all his wealth…
But instead of spending all his money in alcohol and drugs and girls, like you would expect someone to do… being the smart pig that he was, he invested it… and started a business of sewing buttons onto coats… for some reason till then no one had actually thought of sewing buttons onto coats… and when winter time actually arrived many people, even people with thick woolen coats were left cold… his business grew with time and soon he was renowned as the foremost button sewer in the country… why even the king once remarked, “I’ve never felt so warm and cozy in my life.”…
He worked really hard and got really successful.... and then he got the alcohol and the drugs and the booze…
Life was good and life went on… the pig grew richer and his business knew no bounds… but as usually is in stories like this… there came a turning point in the story… which brought about a really major change…
Many years later after the pig had set up shop, or factories if you’d rather, unbeknownst to most people, a young college going couple were, as most young couples do, making out in some solitary and unkempt corner of a park… however, when the couple was in process of making out, their braces got stuck, for both of them wore braces, which was the attribute which attracted both of them in the first place - matching brace holders and the same colored brace accessories, and rendered them both in a very painful and embarrassing situation
During the 4 hour long rescue operation, the male associate of the fiasco, who was also an engineering student, thought, as is obvious he had nothing better to do at that point of time, that the system of metal plates sliding and sticking to each other in such a strong and effective manner can provide the world with a new locking mechanism… and thus the zipper was born…
The young lover’s father being a rich estate dealer, decided to invest in this new method of securing clothes together… but a new dilemma came up, he didn’t know what exactly to hold… so the mass experiment began… they started using zippers in pants… it was a huge success… And people always looking out for new things started buying these new pants with the new ‘fanged’ invention… Even the king who bought one of the pants fitted with zippers commented, “I’ve never felt so cool in my entire life”.
Not satisfied with the success of the pants however, the greedy real estate owner started adding zippers onto coats as well… which people lapped up as something new and exciting…
The pig’s business started declining… Not to be outdone… the pig came out with a business strategy of his own – add buttons to everything… and people always looking for things which are new and different started buying pants with buttons…
Thus began the great apparel war… the pig and the real estate owner started putting their products on every dress, cloth, handkerchief etc. they could lay their hands on… And as quantity and competition increased the quality of all the goods decreased…
And one day the unthinkable happened…
During a national procession, where the king and queen were both present and waving at the participants of a parade, which was being telecasted worldwide, all of a sudden the Queen who was quite well endowed got frightfully embarrassed when her dress snapped open with the pressure of her bosoms… 
the zipper came undone and the entire nation saw the kings assets… Embarrassed and Enraged the King called a meeting with the producers of the button and the zipper… and blasted them about quality control, but neither side was ready to listen… and so it was finally decided that the buttons shall go above the waist and the zipper shall go below the waist for all clothes…
And that is how it has been ever since… but still infuriated at the other, the producers of the locking mechanisms tend to venture from the set norms and into the realm of the other…
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P.S. :- Rustom is Parsi...
